ABD
Brent Detwiler
THE WOLF AMONGST THE SHEEP
The story of how Brent Detwiler infiltrated our family
AUGUST 16, 2025
9 Months Later...
It has been a little over 9 months that Brent Detwiler was confronted by the pastor, deacon, and husband of the woman whom he intentionally engaged in an affair with.
AUGUST 25, 2025
Further Reflections
With the culmination of new information surfacing, our own situation continuing to evolve, insights and opinions have discernably changed.
September 20, 2025
THIS IS NOT A TELL-ALL
I am not going to do a tell-all about our mother here. That would take a team of therapists and a priest with enough holy water to wade through.
September 21, 2025
an open letter to our MOther
Mom, if you care to read any of this I want you to know that you can still separate yourself from Brent. You can still turn around and start to make things right.
September 22, 2025
an open letter to brent detwiler
Brent, Shame. On. You.
Shame on your for what you did to your own family. Shame on you for counting your personal plights more meaningful.
Updated: 08/16/2025
AUGUST 16, 2025
9 MONTHS LATER...
It has been a little over 9 months that Brent Detwiler was confronted by the pastor, deacon, and husband of the woman whom he intentionally engaged in an affair with. You may have entirely forgotten about him, and I wouldn't find fault in that. Were it not for the affair and his obsessions, he would be nearly impossible to recall. However... when you once again envision Brent digging into his nostrils while contemplating life, it all seems to come right back into focus. And now, the thought arises, what in the ever-loving heck has been going on? What happened to the ol' Detwiler and the marriage he lit a matchstick beneath while simultaneously and sanctimoniously trying to split spiritual hairs? Is he still playing house husband with someone else's wife?
Well, my gosh! What if I told you that he is still in Florida, living with our mother, and unemployed. Is it at all surprising that he took down his confession of the affair from his blog, or that he is posting new content as if nothing happened? Would any of this shock you? I'd be willing to bet that an eye roll or the exhale of exasperation is more indicative of how the majority feel about B.D.
There's a saying- it's something about what happens when you step in excrement; you'll have a really difficult time removing it. When we think about our mother and the time that she has spent walking barefoot through the unholiest of dung, you would assume that she'd finally realize and be grossed out. Sadly, it seems she still believes it sacramental and refuses to stop squishing it between all ten of her toes. There is nothing we can say or do to convince her otherwise. The mirage is as real to her as Jesus himself, and from outside of the delusion, all we see is a woman becoming increasingly comfortable dancing in doody.
Meanwhile, divorce is eminent; the great severing is on the horizon. Following the confrontation and up until now, our mother has not wanted to reconcile or leave Brent's side. There is a very strange kind of loyalty that she has for this person. Meanwhile, her husband has begun to experience the sweet aroma of fresh air and the oxygen that comes with exiting a burning building. God has bestowed the peace and comfort that reaches far beyond our understanding. I have no doubt that He will redeem the time, and the marriage that was maliciously broken.
it is not PERSECUTORY
Our mother has endured natural and self-inflicted hardship due to her decisions surrounding Brent Detwiler, yet as mentioned, she appears to be resolute. Call it pride, a spiteful nature, a stubborn willfulness - whatever you call it, we can be confident that it isn't martyrdom or persecution. A difficult life has been entirely chosen by both my mother and Brent. Also, it's just an incredibly stupid decision. That said, we have a fairly clear understanding as to why Brent remains ever present and refuses to move on. Anyone who's followed this story likely has a few duly derived ideas as to why he continues to stick around as well.
EVALUATING INTENTIONALITY
Family members discuss the intentionality of the choices that have been made from time to time. On one hand, we feel strongly that Detwiler is manipulating and spiritually dominating her, taking advantage of someone with character traits and traumas that make her the perfect target. Here's the thing- Brent could stop this at anytime. He could pack up his bag of tricks and treats and run for the hills. As the self-professed biblical guru, he knows better, and therefore has the responsibility to do better. The onus is primarily his.
On the other hand, our mother is continuing to make it known through action and deed that she is choosing to remain in this arrangement. To my knowledge, she has not reached out to anyone asking for help to escape these circumstances. Does she feel stuck in the spiral of her decisions? Is Brent leaning heavily on her? Is he playing the part of a man-child, therefore compelling her sense of responsibility? Or, is she truly so enthralled that she pines for his approval, yearning to please and be pleasing? Perhaps all of the above. The mind is quite complex, after all, and especially when it's being successfully deceived.
BRENT WILL BE BRENT
We certainly realize that Brent may be feeding her compulsion to remain complicit, likely using push and pull tactics with any request or requirement that may be asked of her. The specifics here are of course speculatory, but after much correspondence with those who know him well, coupled with our own experiences, we have come to understand just the sort of person Brent Detwiler has shown himself to be. Past and present, his tendencies have not changed. The approach taken to remain unemployed while being supported by others is exactly the same. Despite having significant benefits under our mother's umbrella, he has no conviction about contributing nominally, while she bares the brunt of responsibility for their wellbeing. What an exemplary leader, a manly man, a godly specimen... said no one, ever. Will all of the real men please stand up? Brent Detwiler needs to hear what you have to say, as do I.
POOR JUDGEMENT
Our stepfather has gone out of his way on a number of occasions to implore his wife to safeguard her finances and her privacy when it comes to Brent. Has she or will she heed his advice? Absolutely not, that wouldn't prove her loyalty. It would also temper Brent's ability to be in control. From what we know of Detwiler, he craves accessibility. There is no such thing as boundaries. It would not surprise me in the least to find out that he monitors our mother's bank account, or that he expects to be consulted before any decision is made. It hasn't surprised others who have experienced his decades-long installation of domineering expectations.
Updated: 09/05/202
THE FACTS
Facts are the things that are known or are proven to be true. I'll share just a few.
- Brent Detwiler continues to cohabitate with our mother.
- Brent Detwiler abandoned Florala Baptist once confronted about the affair.
- Brent Detwiler is capable of working yet has a history of living unemployed.
- Brent Detwiler accepts donations, support, gifts and other means of care.
- Brent Detwiler historically spends his days reading, posting and emailing.
THE INFERENCES
Inferences are conclusions reached on the basis of evidence and reasoning. What we can infer from the above is that Brent Detwiler,
- is in a personally beneficial relationship with our mother.
- ran from accountability, pastoral staff, and discipleship at FBC.
- refuses to seek meaningful employment to support himself.
- takes from others in order to survive, much like a parasite.
- has plenty of time to fill out job applications and secure employment.
TO BRENT'S FAMILY & COMMUNITY
It will never be your fault that Brent is what he is and has done what he's done to people around him. I only ask that you never stop making known who he is and what he's done. In doing so, perhaps we can prevent this from continuing. I know there is a pattern here and it's time to shine the spotlight on it.
CHECKMATE
"Brent didn't anticipate you." This is what's been said, over and over again. Brent didn't consider that someone would rise to the occasion and refuse to back down. Because his patriarchy was shattered years ago and loyalty is to himself alone, he underestimated the fabric of fealty. You do not manipulate, misappropriate, or **** with this family. We have been through countless seasons of discomfort, and have faced every giant with stones in our hands: an army of Davids, as fallible as Moses. We harness the resilience of Job and the cunning of Esther and we are just as flawed as we are ferocious. So when you come into our home, pretend to be a friend and take what doesn't belong to you, you will be told to let it go and leave. Until such an instruction is respectfully followed, we will remain present and diligent in the ushering. Brent Detwiler needs to humble himself: he needs to get into his Jeep, job applications and suitcase in hand, and surrender himself to God.
SUMMARY
Divorce is coming, and in fact, mediation has just concluded. Brent Detwiler is holding onto this relationship with our mother because she is a liability if he loses his grip. In the meantime, her husband is able to see the silver lining, and rejoice. One day, our mother may wake up from this nightmare and realize the value in all she has thrown away, to include her children and grandchild. As for us, I thank God every day for those who have come into our lives, our relationships with each other, and that our toes are not the ones caked with caca.
Posted: 08/23/2025
AUGUST 25, 2025
FURTHER REFLECTIONS
With the culmination of new information surfacing, our own situation continuing to evolve, insights and opinions have discernably changed. What once felt appropriate to label as pharasaical behavior on Brent's part now seems more accurately described as diabolical. With that, a decisive thought came to mind:
Brent Detwiler is Demonic.
Demonic : Demon : a source or agent of evil, harm, distress, or ruin....
A common theme in the aftermath of the damage caused by Brent was that he is not dissimilar to a Pharisee. However, when this comparison was recently up for discussion, I experienced a palpable realization that he may very well be demonic.
Here's the thing. When it comes to Brent Detwiler, it is not just about the hypocrisies; it goes beyond that. This is a new territory of antitheses. Brent has and is continuing to demonstrate the traits that define one who's been given over.
SIN VS DEMONIC BEHAVIOR
Let's look at some examples that compare sin, Brent's response, and what the better response could have looked like. As always, I welcome your thoughts here.
The Sin
> Participating in frequent, private conversations with a married woman.
Brent's Response
> Encouraging the private nature of these conversations.
> Allowing emotional intimacy and dependency to continue and to grow.
> Creating a dynamic where he and the wife align against the husband.
Better Response
> Going to the husband or to the church once an inappropriate pattern was detected.
> Setting boundaries which would discourage private conversations.
> Addressing the emotional dependency and surrogate husbandry he acknowledged.
The Sin
> Accepting large amounts of money in a secretive manner initiated by the wife.
Brent's Response
> Going through the motions of paying rent monthly, only to secretly take it back via PayPal.
> Never disclosing to the husband what was taking place but profiting from the deception.
> Keeping the funds even after the transactions were discovered by the family and husband.
Better Response
> Declining the large sum that was secretly being offered.
> Bringing the first transaction to the husband's attention in order to promote transparency.
> Returning all of the funds to the husband once this secret arrangement was discovered.
The Sin
> Engaging in a sexually explicit affair with a married woman, never forthcoming.
Brent's Response
> Continuing to engage in the relationship, even after being discovered.
> Making plans with the wife to get an apartment together, and for her to leave the marriage.
> Disrespecting the husband's rules and home, even when generously being allowed to stay.
Better Response
> Putting a full stop to the relationship after the first infraction, going directly to the husband.
> Leaving the household immediately in response to the damage that was caused.
> Breaking all communication with the wife so that God could work.
> Apologizing to the entire family for the hypocrisy and betrayal that occurred.
The Sin
> Continuing to live with the married woman whose marriage you broke up.
Brent's Response
> Promoting the separation and breakdown of the marriage.
> Taking advantage of the opportunity and support the wife provides.
> Attending a new church with the wife as if nothing is wrong or should be accounted for.
Better Response
> Packing up and leaving the apartment and the wife.
> Apologizing for taking advantage and using her as a self-serving resource.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Are Brent's actions and reactions demonic? Is his behavior defying God? Is he just a human with a sin nature? Has God given him over? I believe that whatever the answer, what Brent has done exceeds the moral fabric of the average person, Christian or not. Detwiler knows what he's doing; he is actively practicing duality and believes he is carrying out God's work. That is a frightening place to be.
Posted: 10/08/2025
SEPTEMBER 20, 2025
this is not a tell-all
I am not going to do a tell-all about our mother here. That would take a team of therapists and a priest with enough holy water to wade through at this point. I also want to maintain focus on who we perceive to be the issue in the present marital situation. For the purpose of further understanding our mother and the ways in which she was easily played like a fiddle, what I am going to do is express a few foundational insights and examples to make clear who our mother has been in our lives; her personality and behaviors. Despite the difficulties of being her children, we've had genuine concern and selfless motivation at every crossroad. It's unfortunate that she chose Brent and his backing rather than a better relationship with us and her husband. I'd love to say she will one day struggle with deep, aching regret, but I don't know if she is capable, being in Brent's camp.
Let's belly flop into the shallow end for now.
OH, MOTHER
Growing up, we were the family that went to church Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and any other day there was an event or a practice for a Christmas or Easter production. We were not begrudging of it. I loved church. It was my escape from a not-so-pleasant home life. Despite what it looked like from a distance, our household rarely knew peace, joy, or demonstrated true love.
Our mother was especially ruthless in the way she treated us (some more than others) during childhood and in young adult years.
I say this because it’s true, not because I am advocating for victimhood.
The number of times I had physical evidence of her behavior on my body was significant, but the emotional abuse was so much greater and much more constant. It felt hate-filled. As I mentioned, few people knew what was going on inside our home. Our mother had an alternate personality that she tried to conjure every time she stepped through those sanctuary doors.
But there were cracks. Some people knew. Others saw the gritted teeth in whispered threats, the pinching and the grabbing, the outright yelling, and the genuinely unhappy countenance on our faces at times.
I can recall many instances during teenage and young adult years when I said to myself and to some very close friends, "I may as well do [insert any bad thing] because I'm being treated like I'm a horrible kid, constantly." I couldn't ask to go to a youth group without feeling worked up, anticipating the spiteful answer or a cruel ultimatum followed by that diabolical smirk that comes with power tripping. There was a thrill that came from cruelty, and it was not hidden.
THE ONE WHO LIKES TO INSERT HIMSELF (...NO PUN INTENDED)
We shared some general and detailed memories like this with Brent (some more traumatic than others) - pre and post intervention - giving context to why we not only hoped our mother would be free from her addictions (as mentioned in our story) but to express a desire for the darkness that had been inside of her for decades to finally be therapeutically and spiritually addressed.
Remember, in these times we trusted Brent as a Christian authority, and as a counselor in the specific topic of our mother's wellbeing.
During those discussions, he appeared genuinely sympathetic and understanding and insisted on being informed in every way regarding everything related to our mother. What we later discovered is that every conversation we had with him- whether with intentions of helping her with addiction and behavioral issues, or simply venting frustrations- it would all be used in a calculated manner to divide the family and to further identify and catalog the broken parts of her that could be manipulated. As much as Brent claims to be a Christian, it appeared to us that his ways were not dissimilar from a swindling psychic who learns about someone in order to say and do what will bring themselves the most benefit and attention.
After witnessing how drastically his own behaviors changed in just a few short months, we began to look into him for ourselves through a variety of resources. We were discernably uncomfortable with what we were learning. Then, 7 months later, we were made aware of the affair and everything solidified for us: the vulnerable conversations, the questions, the obsession with wanting to know things about our mother, members of our family, their marriage... all of it.
Warning: Don't share anything with Brent Detwiler. It does more harm than good, which is sincerely unfortunate given the level of vulnerability reached with him.
A CURIOUS SIMILARITY
To this day, our mother has not apologized for the things that she did to us during our childhood and young adult years. In fact, there have been times that incidents were being discussed and she denied them ever happening.
It's quite curious to us that our mother and Brent share a similar prideful trait; they must be acknowledged and apologized to, to satisfy their offenses, but receiving apologies from either one is hard to come by. Brent goes a step further- repentance is demanded and must be given to him. Hanging in the atmosphere of that demand is an elephant in the room; 'or else' unspoken on the tip of his tongue.
CONflicting frustrations
Years of feeling helpless, knowing our mother was unwilling to listen to reason or accept help gave room for frustrations to grow and to seismically shift at times. My inability to rally a call to action set me on a path in which anyone closest to her who was not forcibly imposing an ultimatum of change was intentionally contributing to the problem; her husband being the main target of that frustration. Though we were kind and careful with our words, I would have conversations with him about her addictions and behaviors which wouldn't really go anywhere. We just weren't on the same page.
What I realized during those conversations was that he didn’t know what else to do but to stand behind his wife; to believe anything she said and to minimize the issues that she minimized. He thought that being the world's greatest husband meant that he would keep the difficult stuff private and defend her always.
In speaking with a counselor- and later, a therapist- what I once recognized as ridiculous could be clearly understood as the result of living with someone for decades who was incredibly selfish, incredulous, dramatic, and extraordinarily self-righteous. I understood her husband's long game to be surrender; an emasculated, “yes, dear” relationship that wreaked havoc and never saw reward. On top of that, his faith was constantly being questioned in a weaponizing way.
We endured this ourselves; in a "Christian" home that prioritized the church timecard. We were regularly being preached at, and the state of our salvation was always up for debate. An incredibly detestable behavior to subject others to.
When I stood back and gained the ability to see from a different perspective, the answer as to where responsibility should appropriately rest came clearly into focus: as appealing as this sounded, it was no more my stepfather's place to hog tie our mother into submission than it was mine.
conclusion
If not for the affair, my stepfather would still be with our mother, for better or worse. That was his commitment and it's what he believed in.
While the fact remains that my mother did go into rehab, at her core, she desperately needs God and therapy. We all need God and therapy, for that matter. I still pray for her. I still hope she gets the help that she needs and wakes up to the choices she has made, as does her husband.
The core of my frustration still lies with Brent and his actions, simply because he was and is the one encouraging behaviors that directly attack the commitment a husband refused to break, despite the difficulties.
Brent Detwiler,
- secretly accepted money from my mother without telling her husband.
- helped to plant and grow the seed of discontentment in the marriage.
- acknowledged that he was like a surrogate husband for our mother yet did not tell her husband about this inappropriate bond at the onset.
I don't know if anyone has asked this question: Why did Brent not seek counsel and direction from a ministry elder during all of this? That person would have advised him to disclose everything directly to the husband and leave the home immediately; he was doing more harm than good to the marriage by being there.
Perhaps we do know why.
While my mother has difficult behavioral and spiritual shortcomings (no one is without them), Brent used these flaws to his advantage. Even in the aftermath of the affair, he has used her as a meat shield, publicly: she has trafficked in dishonesty, stated the unthinkable, and has generally made herself look like a fool. It's both disgusting and disheartening that she can't see what is happening. He has encouraged the ruin of her reputation. The only benefactor has been himself.
Posted: 09/21/2025
September 21, 2025
AN OPEN LETTER TO OUR MOTHER
Mom,
If you care to read any of this, I want you to know that you can still separate yourself from Brent. You can still turn around and start to make things right, to do things right, to change your trajectory.
While the relationship with your children may never be the same again, the alternative does not mean remaining where you are. You have disappointed us greatly, but he has encouraged you to be disappointing. Don't let another day go by following his lead or standing in the way of the accountability that he must face for himself. You were never meant to take care of him but you found identity in that and he took great advantage of that weakness and your need for approval.
We did everything that we could to help you to understand, but at the end of the day, you have the freedom to choose your path and you alone are responsible for your decisions. We have come to realize that, now more than ever, seeing the depths you have lowered yourself to. This isn't a judgement, it's just the reality.
We in fact tried to protect you, to extract you, to bring aid, and you lashed out. Giving you a soft place to land was initially the goal, but the choices you've made have taken that option away. It's not how we would have wanted it to be, but again, we can't navigate life for you, or offer you training wheels and arm floaties.
I sincerely hope that God can reach you. We can no longer protect you from yourself or what follows the decisions you've made. You have hurt many people, and sacrificed relationships with your children for a man who did the same, and I suppose there is a consequence there that we can't save you from either.
Posted: 09/22/2025
September 22, 2025
AN OPEN LETTER TO BRENT DETWILER
Brent,
Shame. On. You.
Shame on your for what you did to your own family. Shame on you for counting your personal plights more meaningful. Shame on you for talking so distastefully of your own children; for telling a narrative that was untrue, placing the blame on them while taking no accountability for the accelerant and the match that you held in either hand. The audacity to burn your family to the ground and blame it on their lack of Christian fortitude.
Shame on you for coming into our family, pretending to be a leader, a pastor, a shepherd and a friend whose family betrayed him, only to snuff out the ember between husband and wife. You stole and influenced destruction in our family relationships. Shame on you for the stunt that you pulled during our mother's time in rehab; we consider you manipulative in a cold and calculated manner.
You caused an issue that kept family away from our mother and stepfather. You made sure that for an extended period of time, we were not comfortable visiting the family home because of your behavior. The interesting thing is that our good nature is what allowed for your scheme to work. We did not immediately run to our mother or her husband and tell them of your bizarre and intentionally divisive onslaught. You knew that we were the type of people who were decent, patient, kind, and would give things a chance to mend themselves. You used those qualities to your greatest advantage.
In hindsight, I do wish we would have paraded over to the farmhouse every single day in order to undermine your intentions.
Shame on you for being the coward, hiding in the 5th Wheel while our mother was throwing herself upon a sword to protect you and your affair. Shame on you for remaining in the family home, rendezvousing with her and ignoring stipulated boundaries that allowed for you to graciously get your **** together for a short time. Shame on you for continuing to keep our mother in proximity and rely on her for your wellbeing. Shame on you for being a wolf in sheep's clothing while trying so diligently to keep up appearances. Shame on you for condemning others so harshly yet excusing yourself from honest accountability.
We will continue to speak of who you have shown yourself to be before you have the opportunity to infiltrate another family or another relationship. We will raise the spotlight of truth and bring awareness to those who want to listen, or for those with their own stories needing to be told.
We will call you out.
Into the pigs, you must go.
Have you or your family been adversely affected by Brent Detwiler?
If so, please email us and share your story. We will continue to expose Brent Detwiler for the wolf that he is and bring the hypocrisies and harm into the light
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