ABD
Brent Detwiler
THE WOLF AMONGST THE SHEEP
The story of how Brent Detwiler infiltrated our family
Updated 11/30/2024
On November 29th, Brent Detwiler emerged from the shadows and publicly posted about the affair he has had with my mother, though he does not specifically call it by name (and has most recently claimed that no adultery had even occurred). Before we go into his statement and what it means for our family, I’ll quote it in its entirety below
Updated 12/02/2024
Amazing Grace, How Sweet the Sound, that Saved a Wretch Like Me!
Friday, November 29, 2024 at 5:12PM
Over a year ago, I moved to Florida from Arizona. My housing situation changed when my housemate, who was the homeowner, suddenly decided to marry and sell his house. I talked to close friends about housing but none were able to help me.
I also looked into low income housing but it was still out of my price range. I also looked into government assisted living. Nothing was available for over a year. My situation was desperate. I was looking at homelessness.
I posted about my need for housing on Facebook. A couple in FL saw the post and invited to come and live in their basement free of charge. I made the move. I also began to pay them $600 a month in rent contrary to their desire.
I was very grateful to God for this provision and sought to serve the couple and extended family by helping them walk through difficult challenges of their own.
In September of this year, however, the nature of my platonic friendship with the wife turned sinful. We began to relate in limited, but serious, sexual activity. The husband discovered it. This led to a meeting where we were confronted. In that context, I asked forgiveness for my sins. Thereafter, I moved out the house and to another area.
I am grateful for God’s discipline and I am now experiencing the consequences. The Lord is just but he is also merciful. He has not dealt with me according to my sins and I look forward to serving him in the future as he allows.
For clarity, and without minimizing my sin, I have never been sexually involved with another woman over the past 43 years. That is when I married. My wife is deceased. Nor was the wife ever involved with another man. She too asked forgiveness of her husband. She is a fine woman.
My greatest passion in life is to see the gospel of Jesus Christ shared with those separated from God. Yet, I have brought reproach upon this endeavor through my hypocrisy and various enemies (e.g., those who have committed crimes and covered up crimes) will use it to discredit me and my work. This produces great regret.
I also lament the impact of my sin upon those who are friends and supporters. You have trusted me and I have betrayed that trust. I sincerely ask your forgiveness.
I know my sin is great but I also know God’s grace is greater still. I marvel that the Holy One freely forgives me in Christ Jesus because he died in my place and suffered the punishment I deserve. Even more, Jesus imputes his perfect righteousness to my account which is the basis of my acceptance by God forever. Praise his holy name!
“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me…” This is more than an old adage to a famous hymn. It is a blessed reality.
by Brent Detwiler
Updated 11/29/2024
Posture
I want to dissect Brent’s posture entirely, and provide feedback on behalf of our family so as to distinctly note the opinions and position we are taking now that he has decided to make certain official claims.
Let’s begin.
“Friday, November 29, 2024 at 5:12PM”
Updated 11/30/2024
22 Days Later…
It had been 22 days since Brent Detwiler and my mother were confronted about an active and ongoing affair, and based on our evaluation, we believe that it’s been three months since their sexual relationship first began (Brent claims two months with a reference to September). Let that sink in.
“Over a year ago, I moved to Florida from Arizona. My housing situation changed when my housemate, who was the homeowner, suddenly decided to marry and sell his house. I talked to close friends about housing but none were able to help me.”
Updated 11/30/2024
Living Arrangements
Objectively, I find it very interesting and perhaps telling that Brent had no plan in place for the future (roommate situations are not guaranteed life partnerships, typically). He also hasn’t realized the necessary responsibility of getting a job for many years; an appropriate plan of action that would solve any financial strains he purports to have.
“I posted about my need for housing on Facebook. A couple in FL saw the post and invited to come and live in their basement free of charge. I made the move. I also began to pay them $600 a month in rent contrary to their desire.”
Updated 11/30/2024
Housing
The foundation of this claim may be correct; posting to Facebook about his need for housing. However the rest of it is hogwash. My mother directly told me the story of how Brent came to end up at the farm, and I have corroborated this with my stepfather.
Repetitious, I know, but let’s rehash.
An offhanded exchange was initiated by my mother, (without speaking with her husband beforehand), where she mentioned to Brent that they had a farm and he was welcomed to come. Brent jumped on the opportunity, and my mother then realized what she had done. She told me, “I didn’t think he was actually going to say, yes!”
She spoke with my stepfather (who did not follow Brent) about the potential arrangement to rent out the 5th wheel, to which all parties were in agreement. $600/month was more than fair.
Before Brent arrived, my mother explained that they were going to be renting to a minister, and that it was strategically to earn extra income but also that she believed in Brent’s work and he had told her that he was thinking of preaching again in Florida.
My mother (before and during Brent’s stay) and my stepfather (after he arrived) had confirmed with me that the rental arrangement was active. Her husband was stunned when he found out that my mother had been reimbursing Brent $600 each month; an inconsistent reaction from someone who was well aware of their own “desire.”
I imagine that Detwiler’s prior living situation undoubtedly required a rental payment each month because there is a natural expectation for independent sustainability and contribution. If it did not, that would be quite something, and for such a length of time. Regardless, my stepfather expected the rental payment to be paid each month, with grace offered for the first month that Brent arrived.
“I was very grateful to God for this provision and sought to serve the couple and extended family by helping them walk through difficult challenges of their own.”
Updated 11/30/2024
Not Exactly
It is my firm and discerning belief that Brent was not aware of “difficult challenges” before his arrival on October 10, 2023. In fact, when he realized that there were issues pertaining to my mother’s addiction and behaviors, he was surprised and taken back. We joked sarcastically with him, that he had no idea what he was walking into, and he agreed with my husband and I.
He also experienced culture shock when introduced to the family dynamic at meals and events; our family’s humor, the goofiness at times, and the banter seemed to be out of his comfort zone. We had the sense that he preferred a much more controlled, pretentious and quiet environment. Nonetheless he did seem grateful to be there.
But, he was quite literally there to be a tenant, and it didn’t quite matter if he liked or approved of the family, I guess. It made my mother feel good to be providing him tenancy, but Brent was never meant to be involved in their day to day lives, as a permanent third wheel in their marriage or an adopted uncle to our family. He was meant to live in the 5th Wheel… until he wasn’t.
This arrangement and relationship only evolved as my mother and he began blurring boundaries, to which I spoke to my mother about later that month and on multiple occasions in November of that year. At the time, she was verbally in agreement but her actions continued to say otherwise.
“In September of this year, however, the nature of my platonic friendship with the wife turned sinful. We began to relate in limited, but serious, sexual activity. The husband discovered it. This led to a meeting where we were confronted. In that context, I asked forgiveness for my sins. Thereafter, I moved out the house and to another area.”
Updated 12/14/2024
Bless Me, For I Have Sinned
The activity was sexual, it was adulterous, and it was serious, biblically, morally, and otherwise. What I would not label it as was limited. Admittedly, this statement is perhaps not absolute but my opinion nonetheless. When I think of the word limited as it relates to this affair, I think of a single error in judgment; a one-time lapse in moral faculties… maybe twice. That is not what this relationship was or has ever been. This carried on for a minimum of two months though we are fairly certain it was at least three. I don’t believe that either version of the timelines can be described as, “limited.”
During the confrontation, Brent Detwiler said nothing; when my mother claimed 90% responsibility, he said nothing. He nodded his head in agreeance periodically as the pastoral staff spoke to him, yet did not even so much as shake his head side to side or protest with a perplexed expression when they repeated the outlandish blame that my mother was claiming as her own. And yet, the 10% that he did accept, in silence, was what he asked forgiveness for from her husband; a sentiment prompted by the Pastor who uttered, “Is there anything else anyone would like to say?”
NOTE: I find it very interesting that Brent had the opportunity on his own platform to share the claim that he came to my mother to say that he had conviction about the physical relationship, yet he didn’t take ownership of this alleged moment at all. To us, this proves our suspicions; that our mother made this moment up and fed it to Brent the night of the confrontation in order to bolster her attempts at recovering his reputation.
From the evening that Brent was confronted about the affair to the day that he officially left the home, 11 days has past. This was not, by any definition, an immediate departure. Imagine for a moment that someone living in your home was having a sexual relationship with your spouse, had been confronted, was told they needed to be gone fairly immediately, yet did not vacate for an additional 11 days… also, continued to see your wife and drink rum and cokes with her in the basement.
While my stepfather did change his mind and did not require Brent to find a hotel the night the two were exposed, he certainly didn’t plan on Brent remaining in the home for more than a day or 2. But, my mom’s husband is not confrontational, and could certainly never be labeled as aggressive in any way. He silently allowed Brent the time for my mother to make arrangements for him/them to have somewhere else to go.
The Pastor and Deacon said it best that evening, following the meeting: if Brent was in any way repentant for what had transpired, they would expect him to be gone, of his own volition, the next day, not to contact my mother again. We knew that the next 48 hours in the timeline would speak not only to his character and heart posture, but to any respect he had for my mother, her relationship with God, and the marriage. He has perpetually caused her to stumble as she continues to deceive on his behalf while Brent does nothing to protect her honor, her integrity, or put an end to the charade. He has been taking advantage of her loyalty so as to keep his hands moderately clean.
“I am grateful for God’s discipline and I am now experiencing the consequences. The Lord is just but he is also merciful. He has not dealt with me according to my sins and I look forward to serving him in the future as he allows.”
Updated 12/14/2024
Consequences or Slander
Up until the point that Brent published his public statement about his adulterous relationship, he had not made the correlation between any portion of the confrontation or public awareness and reprimand to that of “consequences.” The entirety of his responding presence has been defensive and inflammatory; calling information slanderous, myself delusional, the video evidence illegal, my stepfather criminal, and our family’s account of the events to be riddled with lies, almost entirely.
I suppose time will tell if he has had a mental and spiritual shift in humility and honesty or if this merely the dramatics of martyrdom from someone who is struggling with the realization of losing an audience that he spent so much time cultivating. I do know that in order for any change to be actualized, he has to be completely transparent and turn away from my mother. He has failed to do either.
According to my mother, his current residence is an apartment that my mother has referred to as, “Brent’s apartment,” the wording interchangeable with, “my apartment,” and furnished with items from the family’s home. She visits him there often.
My mother added Brent to our shared family AT&T cell phone plan at the end of 2023, financing a new phone and setting up service. He did not pay anything for either the iPhone financing or for the plan charge each month (my stepfather was unaware that Brent was not paying). Once exposed, my mother removed herself and Brent from the plan, transferring the billing responsibility to herself. She could have very simply transferred Detwiler’s cell service obligation directly to him, separating the two as would be appropriate, but they are on a plan together.
My purpose in relaying these details is not to shame my mother as I still believe firmly that the manipulation is primarily to blame. The reason is to make known the hypocrisy in what Brent has stated and asked of his audience publicly under incredibly false pretenses.
How exactly can Brent share gratitude for God’s discipline when God is no where to be found in this ruse?
“For clarity, and without minimizing my sin, I have never been sexually involved with another woman over the past 43 years. That is when I married. My wife is deceased. Nor was the wife ever involved with another man. She too asked forgiveness of her husband. She is a fine woman.”
Updated 12/14/2024
Clarity?
I have some educated thoughts on Brent’s assertions of fidelity, but I will not share them at this time. I will only share what I confidently know or have a firm opinion on.
As it related to my mother and the night of the confrontation, I can say unequivocally that my mother did not ask my stepfather for forgiveness, nor did it appear that she thought she needed to. She blamed him in a number of ways for why she had committed adultery and minimized the affair altogether, referring to it as a theoretical sin.
More recently, she was still blaming and even threatening and lashing out at her husband for what had been made public about Brent through our family’s story. She told my stepfather that he must confront myself and my husband, telling us to “back off” of Brent, that we were ruining his reputation and directly hurting the SA victims that he had offered considerable assistance. My mother fully expected her husband to protect the one whom she committed adultery with, and to speak to us on his behalf. That’s right.
My stepfather did ‘inform’ us of her wishes over dinner, to which we collectively discussed. We were certainly not responsible for Brent’s reputation, any of us; he was. And why was Brent continuing to hide behind our mother, not able to speak for himself? Why was she fighting his battles and recruiting to the front lines for him? I think it is as I’ve mentioned: Brent wants to keep his hands as clean as possible and my mom is willing to act on his behalf. It’s an incredibly sad reality, one that is hard to grapple with; some days more than others.
Since we have not taken down and denounced our thoughts on Brent’s behavior and the affair, I have been informed that “consequences” await that decision to stand in truth and hold to how this has impacted us, not to cower to anger or threats. Retaliation may be on the horizon, folks.
“My greatest passion in life is to see the gospel of Jesus Christ shared with those separated from God. Yet, I have brought reproach upon this endeavor through my hypocrisy and various enemies (e.g., those who have committed crimes and covered up crimes) will use it to discredit me and my work. This produces great regret.”
Updated 11/30/2024
Regret
I find myself sympathizing with Brent in one specific area; the regret of being caught and not confessing at the onset of impropriety. Furthermore, if only when confronted about the affair, he had come clean, repented and turned away from the relationship, removing himself from the home and the family entirely and continued on his own way, he likely would have never told a soul (as he seemed to have planned to do anyway) and his reputation (facade or not) may have still been outwardly the same. It’s hard to know for sure. Maybe then my mother would have come out of the fog of manipulation.
Brent has instead chosen to dig his heels into quicksand which is invariably disastrous for anyone. He has in fact given his “enemies” (as he calls them) the keys to a fortress once fiercely guarded and glorified. And to what end?
“I also lament the impact of my sin upon those who are friends and supporters. You have trusted me and I have betrayed that trust. I sincerely ask your forgiveness.”
Updated 11/30/2024
What About the Family?
Of all the statements made in his public acknowledgment, this one is likely the most personally frustrating and feels exceptionally self-serving. When I say that his “friends and supporters” received more sentiment in his display behind a keyboard than my stepfather was presented with in person, It’s sadly true.
The rest of us have received no communication from him; no apology, explanation, confession, or plea to be forgiven. The reason is obvious: we are neither of the two focus groups that his statement has been addressed to and whom he relies on in various ways.
“I know my sin is great but I also know God’s grace is greater still. I marvel that the Holy One freely forgives me in Christ Jesus because he died in my place and suffered the punishment I deserve. Even more, Jesus imputes his perfect righteousness to my account which is the basis of my acceptance by God forever. Praise his holy name!.”
Updated 11/30/2024
I Agree… Mostly
Everything stated above is true. God does forgive us, and we all sin. The sin itself is not what is impossible to fathom nor forgive. What has been particularly hard to swallow and what I’m sure the Lord is not happy about are the pharisaical behaviors, the habits, and the trickery at work here. Still, not unforgivable if one turns and bends their will to His.
We all fall short, and we all stumble. I myself have been a stone’s throw from Hell’s gates a time or two (not really, I’ve been saved since I was 8) but God has come to my broken places time after time when I’ve called for Him.
What I have not done -and the reason why Brent’s actions and motivations have been called into the light, is that he has used the cloak of spiritual authority, financial fragility, and emotional manipulation to cause one of “these little ones who believe in Me to sin” (Matthew 18:6); one who is incredibly self sabotaging, searching, and impressionable. This has to be addressed through transparency. Unfortunately, full disclosure is not something that I foresee; the disguise Brent has worn, even if not life long, is very comfortable, like a Snuggie. It’ll be painfully difficult to part with.
Updated 11/30/2024
Final Thoughts
The enemy is increasingly adept at killing, stealing, and destroying our minds, and my mother will likely not turn away if Brent remains vigilantly shrouded; controlling her perceptions, expressing his needs, and silencing discernment with lavish affirmation and appreciation. He knows her weaknesses and he has preyed upon them.
God knows that wolves walk amongst the sheep and I’m reminded of His warning to beware. He knows where they hide, and sometimes it’s behind a keyboard in the basement, doing what they believe is godly, what they are good at, or what they are confident that they can get away with.
“Beware of the false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves.” Matthew 7:15
Updated 11/30/2024
Outside Perspective
It can be incredibly helpful to have an alternative perspective, especially when you have been categorically close to something like this, as we have.
I’d like to link you to another take on Brent Detwiler and encourage you to read it. There is an adjacent depth that this article has and a tone that I find incredibly real and objective.
Though the writer gets Brent’s age incorrect (last I checked), the meat of the text seems credible and well stated.
Have you or your family been adversely affected by Brent Detwiler?
If so, please email us and share your story. We will continue to expose Brent Detwiler for the wolf that he is and bring the hypocrisies and harm into the light
Send a Message
3 Replies to “THE STATEMENT”
Thank you for having the courage to write this carefully detailed account. I am amazed at the patience and grace you have shown and continue to show – I am sure I would not have been nearly so patient or gracious! My heart and prayers go out to your family and I pray that your mom will come to her senses before she makes a really terrible decision and risks losing a family that clearly loves her.
I tried to email you but the email link seems to be broken – at least it isn’t working for me. If you want to email me, please do.
Hi Allen,
Thank you for reading and for expressing your own experiences (I did receive your email).
I’ll be following up with an email in the near future.
I note Brent has taken down his blog post admitting to the affair. Wonder what’s up with that but it doesn’t make one confident that he’s a man of truth or honor…